This Santa is Hot!!

I love Santa in Hawaii. He is a surfing-turtle riding- ukulele playing stud. So, I am adding this cute little Santa ornament to the Aloha giveaway. This Santa is an obvious risk taker who likes

living on the edge. Isn't he irresistible?

Just comment by Jan 3rd and consider yourself entered. An entry for every post you comment on. Prizes added daily. We're up to Kona coffee, macadamia nuts, a rice press and a beach bound Santa ornament. More coming soon!

Dear Anonymous,

Seriously, I don't need enough "energy" to satisfy the housekeeper and nanny. I REALLY don't need to see any pics of anyone under a size 6 with breasts fit for a Macy's Day float or over size six for that matter. Thanks anyway. If you popped over thinking this was your kind of place you took a SERIOUS wrong turn. I don't need your prescriptions, your dating services or links to women with more plastic than a Tupperware party. I would rather have actual links to Tupperware. Loved, loved the old fashion Tupperware salt shakers. If you can prescribe me a housekeeper or a Nanny then no need to hide out in the comment box. Just tell me what color of pill gets me a personal chef, cures gas and eliminates premature laundry accumulation? I'll be sure to ask my doctor if that pill is right for me. If he says no then I'll just get another doctor!

P.S: Dear Anonymous, consider this is your eviction notice. Now pack your SPAM and get out of my comment box.

In the spirit of SPAM HERE is a great Musubi Recipe and tutorial. It is all the rage here and a very simple and portable meal on the go.

Extra Tip: The spam can makes a great rice mold if you don't have the press. Or win my Aloha giveaway and you'll get a rice press in your Aloha prize package!!

You can also check out THESE musubi inspired Etsy items for fun! I think the musubi washcloth set and scrubbers are too cute. Don't forget to comment now until Jan 3rd to enter the Aloha Giveaway. The giveaway will keep growing. So far there are macadamia nuts, Kona coffee and now a rice press for your very own sushi or musubi!

Just Fake it!!

I don't make icing sweetened with organic apple juice. When the kids are screaming instead of whipping out my superior parenting skills I whip out my emergency marshmallow stash. Don't even get me started on my new bra and faux pedicures. Do you ever fake being fabulous? My New Year's resolution is to fake it more often. If I can shed my Martha complex I just might have more time for this....

and this...

(This moment is courtesy of icing in a can. It is fabulous and it makes me look oh so Martha. I fill cones 2/3 full with boxed cake mix and bake in a cup cake pan. Then squirt on the icing so it looks like soft serve ice cream. VOILA! And in the true spirit of faking it I must confess that I am not a gourmet genius. The recipe is on the back of the cone box)

I think I will start on my New Year's resolution early! I'm off to buy some Spanx. First I'm going to splash a little cleaner in the sink so it smells like I scrubbed the house.

Every confession in my comment box gets you an entry in the oh so fabulous Aloha giveaway!!
Macadamia nuts, Kona coffee and more could all be yours! Just make sure I can reach you if you win! Last day to enter will be Sunday, January 3rd.

And BTW if the Spanx doesn't work I'm just going to laugh my butt off and I think I will start here..

Christmas Traditions?

My grandmother had a tiny thumbnail sized elf hat. We would find it at Christmas in shoes and under the sofa. It was always moving. It belonged to a shifty little elf that always popped in around Thanksgiving and couldn't manage to keep his hat on. We were always hunting for him. He was Santa's spy and when we were naughty he would rush off to keep Santa posted. The hat was eventually lost forever but the sweet memory remains.

So next to Santa's cookies will be a tiny package. Inside will be a very tiny pair of shoes for our Christmas elf this year. We are having them custom made for the elf's curly toes.

Where does a girl go for shoes under 2inches and fit for Santa's helper? I called on Etsy.com and posted a custom request. Several sellers contacted me with wonderful ideas and jumped at the chance to be part of our tradition. Princess has decided our Christmas elf is a velvet loving, sparkle diva so we chose FaerySpell Creations . Everything in the shop looks like it was gathered from dreams and spun into reality. We can't wait to see what the artist comes up with.

A different designer, blue flame , offered to do a pair of elf shoes in green leather. I am so in-love with the idea I might buy another pair of elf shoes. An elf can never have too many shoes! Thank you to everyone on Etsy that was willing to help us add an extra dash of magic to our holidays for years to come! I loved looking at all your wonderful creations.

What unique, fun or sweet thing do you do as a family?

This Can't Be Good

This week Diva Baby put her hands on my chest and said clear as day,

" Uh Oh! Mommy titty fall down".

Great! Now there is one more thing I have to try to pick up and put back where it goes. I also find it remarkable that the little angel only knows ten words and still managed to string together that little gem in a store full of people. I'm off to search the yellow pages for plastic surgeons. Wishing you perky breasts and self cleaning floors!!!

Faux Birthday

Daddy was called away to Japan so we whipped together a Faux Birthday Celebration for Diva before he left. She had her very own personal chauffeur to go with her new ride. A girl can't turn faux two without a cool dune-buggy that goes from 0-5mph in 0.2 seconds. We skipped the Barbie Escalade and went with the Power Wheels Stinger XS. Even though it isn't pink Big Sis drives it like she stole it. The Velcro seat belts just don't cut it. I thought about strapping Diva to the seat with duct tape but the neighbors might call the cops. She kept wanting to play Micheal J. Fox and car surf on the hood like Teen Wolf.

Ladybug, Ladybug!

That is not just a ladybug in her hands. Beneath the ladybug, past the dirt under her nails and snuggled in the cracks of her skin is the future. The future is just like a tiny winged thing. It can not be grasped, manipulated or pinned down. It must rest in cupped palms, free to fly away.

Visit Candid Carrie's for photo fun.

Another great place for photography and fun stories is ..

Hosted by Cecily and Emily

Kindergarten Survival

Thank you for all your amazing two cents. Hopefully, with all your advice Princess will look more relaxed in next year's school picture! Many of you have asked about her teacher. Her and her teacher have not clicked. I do not think that the teacher is rude or improper. However, she is stressed. Here in Hawaii they just cut over two weeks of class time from the school schedule to balance the budget. Teachers are scrambling to make up for the lost class time and still reach their goals. Here in Hawaii kindergarten is the new first grade. By the end of this semester Princess is expected to be able to start reading, identify her letters, several words and numbers. The tricky part is they determine her knowledge with a test. It is not enough that she knows it or demonstrates proficiency in class. She must be able to regurgitate the answers within a set time limit on command. It is additional stress for the students and the teachers. Time that used to be devoted to bonding, playing and nurturing a love of knowledge is now filled with letter drills and worksheets. My main fear is that she loses her love of learning. She used to sit for book after book. She devoured literature and science. Like most children her life was an endless question. All the worksheets in the world are not a substitute for play. A passion for learning is spun from laughter and adventure. I am struggling to help my imaginative fairy princess thrive in an environment that has little room left for magic.

If you are struggling with the same issue or what the whole scoop please stalk my comment box on This Post . It is full of wonderful advice from some of my favorite bloggy friends. Feel free to link up and ask for some two cents of your very own or share some.

Today is the day for...

Candy Detox

Whisker smudged and Candy smeared

We're coming off a sugar induced candy high. I hope your Halloween was full of laughter and sweetness.

Two Cents Tuesday is headed your way? Are you ready to dish out all the good advice no one has the good sense to ask you for? If you want to join in and for a complete list of details and FAQ on Two Cents just Click Here

This time I will be begging for advice instead of dishing it out.

Maybe this week we can help each other solve our personal problems. Let's tackle world peace NEXT month.

A little help here..

It's time for Two Cents Tuesday. This is the day you can dish out all that great advice no one has the good sense to ask you for. Bring it on! Need some advice? Ask and you shall receive.

New to Two Cents? Just click below for all the details...

Princess has started school and each day she is increasingly afraid. She has always been an old soul but school has pushed her from calm to withdrawn. Princess rarely gets in trouble but is so worried about making her teacher angry that she comes home in tears. At the conference her teacher showed a general interest and concern. I was optimistic. We talked about ways to ease her anxiety in school. Then she insinuated Princess might need medical help to manage her anxiety. She is five. She shouldn't have anxiety. It is kindergarten not a war zone. Why is my five year old experiencing post traumatic stress syndrome? The more I think about it the more concerned I am. Is this normal? Now that kindergarten is increasingly intense are kids crumbling under pressure before their first tooth fairy visit? Princess isn't the only one. Another little girl in her class was so stressed that she was throwing up in the bushes before school. What happened to singing songs, flicking boogers and eating paste? What would you I do?

Haunted by Feminine Hygiene

Oh well! Our ghosts smell feminine fresh.

This is the kind of creative mayhem that ensues anytime I shave my ankles, read a post or try to potty solo. My daughters are so proud and the neighborhood is officially spooked. No one has been by to peddle cookies or newspapers this week. I wonder why?

Have a great day! I'm off to buy a motion sensor for the bathroom drawer.

Want to snag some bloggy inspiration? Visit Mama Kat's

Her writing prompts fall somewhere between being touched by a muse and whacked with a cattle prod. With lots of choices one is bound to inspire you.

Do you see me?

I love her unedited.

Sleep crusted and tear smudged.

You'll find me

beneath her curling lashes,

reflected in her pupil.

Hiding in my daughter's eyes.

I never thought I would be satisfied being seen through someone else's eyes. But there I am pajama covered, camera ready and content being nothing more than a reflection in my daughter's eyes.

My taught tummy has given way to a cavernous belly button they store cheetos in. They use my old poems as confetti and Big Sister digs out the lace thongs buried under my cotton undies and fashions them into sling shots.

Maximazing the distance a thong can shoot a cheerio is my latest passion.

My too small breasts were an all you can eat buffet for two. My too small hips were the gateway to life and my daughters map my freckles like a star chart. They play connect the dots, freckle to freckle. They trace me beautiful and for the first time I am just right.

That is how motherhood has changed me.

Mama Kat's writer's workshop is exploring motherhood. She's asking all kinds of probing questions, "Who are you?", "What's your passion" and "How has motherhood changed you?" just to name a few.

Daddy's Replacement

Princess has decided the world would be a much better place without boys. I tried to reason with her. After all, no boys would mean no Daddy. What would we do without him? Her response, "We'll just get us a big lady".

Note to self: Score cute magnification pic BEFORE mud fight.

Best Tourist Trap

The Dole Plantation on Oahu is a little slice of nothing stuck in the middle of nowhere pretty. Unfortunately for me both of our girls love it. It has all the appeal of a petting zoo and giant aquarium combined. For the cost of a few quarters I score happy children and the best photos. If you have small children don't underestimate the wonder and joy contained in a handful of fish pellets. If you're child free then skip the tourist trap, step on the gas and don't stop until you reach the secluded beaches across from Dillingham Airfield. Snuggle up, watch the waves and laugh at all of the poor suckers stuck riding the Pineapple Express and dishing out fish food.

Wishing you love and sunshine from our little grain of paradise!

Hosted by Cecily and MamaGeek

Thrifty or cheap?

This week I would love some two cents on drawing the line between thrifty and just plain cheap. I am a coupon virgin. That will soon change. I have my little coupon envelope. I even have a weekly meal plan. I'm armed and on the path to thrifty. I draw the line at washing and reusing my aluminum foil but that may change. What about you? Thrifty or cheap? Where do you draw the line?

My Two Cents: If you use restaurant coupons please take note that most restaurants won't allow coupons or gift cards to go towards your server's tip. Please tip your server 15% of your meal's full value or risk giving all coupon users a bad name. Saving money is grand but not at the cost of stiffing your waiter.

Major Malfunction

Dear Customer Service,

The pause button on our new Toddler 2.0 is malfunctioning. We have had this problem ever since we upgraded from the Baby 1.0.
I tried to call for trouble shooting tips but your number appears to be unlisted.
No refund or exchanges will be necessary.
Thank you.

Head over to 7 Clown Circus for Wordful fun!

Rapunzel and Alopecia Areata

Loss is big. I could have tried to explain it to my five year old daughter. We could have talked about diseases and suffering. We could have talked statistics. But we didn't. I worried that the magic and wonder in her mind would be evicted to make room for it all. We visited http://www.locksoflove.org/ instead. We talked about sick princesses and we talked hair. She saw images of love and joy. She saw pictures of sacrifice and the celebration of spirit. When it was done my Rapunzel loving princess was ready for a haircut. The child who flips, flops and screams over a trim wanted ten inches cut off for Locks of Love. Naturally, I think this is a sign of greatness. Perhaps, she will grow up to bring peace to a war torn country or cure life threatening diseases. I will dab my eyes in interviews and say things like "She always showed an extraordinary capacity for empathy". Today I praised her from her new blond bob down to her glittery pink toes. She endured my relentless praise, shrugged and said, " I just shared some hair with a bald girl". Fair enough.

"Rapunzel, Rapunzel show me your hair!"

(Like most mothers I think my kid is exceptionally bright, gifted and superior in all ways. Luckily Princess dishes out humility smack downs to keep me grounded.)

If you are not familiar with Locks for Love you can learn more at www.locksforlove.org. You can snag information on how to donate ten inches or more of hair. Donations are used to create custom hair prosthetics for children with disorders, diseases and conditions such as alopecia areata and cancer.

Your first true love?

My first true love was literature. I vividly remember falling for Serendipity Books by Stephen Cosgrove. I can recall names like Serendipity, Flutterby and Butterwings. When I read to my daughter words resurface tucked away in my memory like a treasure for all these years. Who could forget something as magical as a winged horse unfurling from a cocoon and whining in the moonlight? I always remembered the creatures with their shy eyes and vivid colors. Reading these books gave me the keys to life and magic spilled out. I bought Flutterby for my daughter so that we can soak up the magic together.

I've found the best selection of Serendipity books HERE

( Just so you know Stephen Cosgrove and Amazon gave me a ton of nothing to drop their name for pointing you their way. Anything praised on this blog is brought to you out of nothing more than a desire to share a slice of happiness)

So what was the first book you remember falling for?

Just post a question to join in on Aloha Friday, hosted by An Island Life!

Our Latest Treasure!

We have a new addiction, geocaching. People across the world hide treasure and log the coordinates online. Our treasure seeking princesses love it. They are brave fairy pirates seeking riches. This time they uncovered a cache of toys and a log book. Baby sister was the perfect side kick and helped uncover the stash. They traded a rhinestone buckle for a dinosaur. Captain Big Sis wanted more treasure. There was a second treasure higher up and over rocks. She had to tread close to the edge of a cliff. She was fearless and pushed past her vertigo by keeping her eye on the prize. Baby and I waited at the bottom devouring oranges and the view while Daddy and Captain Big Sis searched. She came back to us with two scratches, a splinter, a hula doll, some sweat and a ton of pride.

Geocaching is free and and spreading across the globe. It was so much fun. The master minds behind geocaching are giving me jack squat for telling you that. I just can't keep something this fabulous all to myself. I felt like a kid again full of excitement and wonder. I think our girls' confidence doubled in one day.

If you are vacationing on Oahu there are a ton of geocaching sites at top tourist spots. The two caches we found were at Makapuu point. Just remember to pack a small item to trade in your hiking pack and a pen to sign the guest book. We have started carrying a toy stash in the car for instant adventure at a moment's notice.

X UNCOVER YOUR OWN TREASURE at http://www.geocaching.com/

Now What?

Women in America have come a long way. We can vote. We are no longer considered property. We can work any job a man can for a fraction of the pay. We can walk through life knowing 1 in 6 women will be sexually assaulted compared to 1 in 33 men. If you happen to be the one in six it is debatable how much time your attacker will actually serve behind bars. You can be nearly confident that your attacker will spend more time for raping you than for stealing a bag of Cheetos.

How long before our laws reflect that we value our children and the women in our lives. America has waged war on terror and war on drugs. What about war against sexual assault? Can politicians stop sexually harassing their interns and cheating on their wives long enough to make this a priority?

For more statistics and information on sexual assault visit http://www.rainn.org

Here are some links from my bloggy friends about protecting women and children...

Child Sex Abuse Information

and
A very touching and open post on domestic violence

My Feminist

How do you let the world in without letting all of the magic seep out?

She reminds me that a girl can climb a tree in head to toe glam. She is fierce, unyielding and full of sparkle. If only the entire world could embrace their true self with same degree of confidence and loving abandonment. Unfortunately school is starting to dull her shine. She comes home with a little less dazzle and less confidence than the day before. She didn't even make it through the first week without someone calling her names and breaking her heart.

August 26th is Women's Equality Day. Please help spread the word!!

Hosted by Cecily and MamaGeek

The Bloggy Award Buffet

It is an all you can take award buffet. Please have your fill and gorge yourself on praise. There is something for everyone and I even created a new award for the girl that has everything!

Meet another Comment Queen!! This was a hard one. My box has been busting at the seams with both hysterical and touching comments. The prize goes to...Sweeter Living
Her comment delivered quality and quantity. I laugh every time I reread. Yes, I reread my comments. I fight depression by dipping into the comment box instead of my pill box. Here is a taste of her comment leaving goodness..

"That silver thingamajig should have been tested on male doctors... then we would quickly see a new invention: "the painless-featherlike-silkysoft-can'thardlyfeelit-supercareful-nonobtrusive-verygentle-device"

(her ENTIRE comment can be found in the comment box of Private Detectives, Zubbles and Mothering )

I got a bloggy nod from a glamorous therapist who has been married 32 years! She dishes out her secrets and has amazing skin! A happy marriage must be good for the complexion!

In the spirit of "Honest Scrap" I am supposed to tell you 15 honest things about me. The most honest things about me are that I am a complete failure at following directions. I am also horrible with numbers.

Then there is my favorite hair magician, Sugar spice and all hair nice. I think she must have some kind of child charming tricks. Her princess sits still for the most amazing hair art. The very best thing about her is that she is a comment leaving goddess. Her visits always put a little extra pep in my step! She thinks I'm fabulous and the feeling is mutual.

Next up is Blue Cotton Memory. She is a woman thriving in a family of men. She is dishing out discipline in the form of squats while I'm holding feather boas for ransom. She thinks my blog is lovely. I'm grateful that she thought of me since I am a wild mess of a mom who considers Harry Potter a book of substance. Who can resist a blog that comes with equal parts of love and opinions?

The following blog is so much better than bacon. It is one of the greatest compliments I can bestow on a fellow blogger. Bacon is that special final touch to salads, baked beans and crucial for breakfast gravy. Sorry PETA!

She makes me laugh. Reading her blog is like having an instant girlfriend to give you the honest scoop with a dose of laughter. Even bacon can't do that!

Another sweet award to celebrate from Brown Eyed Gal!

I hope you enjoy this bloggy buffet and finds something suited to your tastes. Thank you!

P.S: The bloggy buffet comes with no strings attached. So hoard them, share them, ignore them or brag about them to your hearts content!!

The Pause Button

I'm pausing this little bloggy until the storm passes. Our area looses power even when there is a gust of wind on a sunny day. We're prepared to be dining on cashews and frozen pancakes. We'll also be playing Candyland by flashlight.

I will return with a full blown bloggy award buffet. I have been hoarding them like a squirrel hoards nuts. Plus I will be unveiling a wild new award for my fun bloggy friends. Any fun ideas for Women's Equality Day on August 26th??

P.S: The storm was all fizzle. The stash of batteries and gallon size tub of mayo went untouched. The best news is hubby comes back today!! I'm too excited to sleep. So the blog is still paused and I will just take the pay cut for my bad bloggy behavior. Do you know how excited I would be if there was even any pay to be cut? BIG SIGH!

Breastfeeding Doll

Am I the only person in the world that finds this doll hysterical and NOT creepy?I must be suffering from Outrage Deficiency Syndrome. I browsed through all the comments expressing shock and disgust on NEW PARENT and You Tube. I still can't shake the image of hubby donning the nursing apron and pressing the doll to his tiny "lilies" to show Princess how it is done. He is the official new toy demonstrator after all. Why should this be any different? Reading all the comments actually made me laugh harder. It's just a doll not a pack of pretend birth control pills!

I do not promise to be lucid in the next few days. I feel and look like I have been nursing a nest of angry porcupines at my right breast. My fever is rising. I hope that baby doll comes with pretend cold compresses. I am soothing my own "lilies" with a bag of frozen mangoes. So if you are one of those people that think breastfeeding is icky and you find yourself at my dinner table, don't eat the mangoes!!

Please don't forget that August 26th is Women's Equality day. Please send me the link to your post if you tackle the issue of women and equality on your blog!!

Get inspired by Mama Kat and pick your own prompt! Diagnose yourself, confess your deepest fears and more.

Equality for Women?

August 26, 1920, the 19th Amendment of the US Constitution was ratified granting women the right to vote.

So what do you think of THIS article on California cutting 100% of it's funding for domestic violence services?! I guess we should kick this month off celebrating the fact that men no longer have the legal right to use, abuse and beat their wives. Unfortunately if you live in California you might not find anyone to stand with you if he does. Who will be there to keep you safe? Who will take you in?

This month's topic is women and equality. Give your two cents on anything that impacts women. How will you celebrate this month with your sons and daughters? Any ideas for activities, projects?

If you want to join in and for a complete list of details and FAQ on Two Cents just Click Here

Please leave a link to your post in the comment section if you give your Two Cents on anything women related this month and I will compile them together in one big post.

Private Detectives, Zubbles and Mothering

1. Would it be too wierd if I sit outside my daughter's school with binoculars and a telephoto lens?
How about ordering a background track on her teacher and having the woman tailed throughout the school year?
I haven't hired anyone yet or anything just mulling it over. Thoughts? Reprimands? Reference for a great private investigator?

2. Since when did being a mother stop being enough? The other day a fellow mom asked what I did. When I told her I stayed at home raising my daughters she said, "Oh, you're unemployed". What do you say to that? It doesn't matter. I might have to get a job that pays more and has less demanding hours so I can afford that private detective and devote more time stalking my own children anyways.

3. Toy inventor Tim Kehoe
has burst my Zubble. I ordered my Zubbles before the The Zubble People
realized, "OH CRAP! People are willing to pay over seven bucks a bottle for colored bubbles! We better make more". Now they are back ordered. No worries Mr. Zubble a child's patience is limitless. She completely understands.

*In the Zubble Master's defense I must say he did devote fourteen years of his life to a vibrant bubble that doesn't stain. Shouldn't that be enough?

4. So. It looks like I am still waiting for a male scientist to invent something so speculator it redeems the entire male population for the invention of the speculum. Why is that little medieval torture device still around. Anything with a crank has no business being near my "business".

That sums up my random Friday Fragments for today. So just gather your crumbs of wisdom, toss them together and click below to join in.....


And introducing another host of random Friday fun...

A Little Lost

I'm feeling overwhelmed and a little lost. Princess starts school and will be leaving me. The longest we have ever spent apart is at birth when she she was taken to NICU. I have been neurotically stingy with her ever since they took her off the monitors and put her back in my arms.

She kept me company through two deployments. Through the first she literally kicked me forward from the inside out, urging me on from the womb. The second time she helped me navigate a foreign country all alone. Together we tasted German sweets and explored Roman ruins. Her baby babble was universal and defied all language barriers.

I am going to be lost without her. I will even miss the sibling squabbles and feisty girly squeals. She will be gone for a moment. It is still enough to make my breath catch and a half day without her is unimaginable. It makes me think of the families who are forced to move forward without their children for a lifetime. I wish I knew what to say to ease that kind of loss. I know there are no words. The only thing I can do is love my own daughters even more fiercely and suck up the moments we have. Please forgive me if I am around a little less and crazy more often. I am neurotic since the birth of my children and I think it will get worse before it gets better.

I apologize frequently to my daughter...

"Sorry you can't go to Susie's. I don't know her parents and Mommy is a bit of Whack Job about that kind of stuff".

She assures me,

"No stress. No worries. God made you that way".

She's wise beyond her years.

Baby Sister is trying to pick something out for Big Sister that is truley one of a kind. A good luck boogie perhaps? I think this might be our Christmas card! Any caption suggestions??

Head over to 7 Clown Circus for more Wordful fun!!!

The Adult Onesie?

Who can pull off a romper? Is it for the masses or reserved for cute toddlers, hot blondes and Kim Kardashian? I would like to think I could slip one on but I'm afraid hubby would just laugh and try to spoon feed me some baby food.

Post your own question and join in on Aloha Friday, hosted by An Island Life!

I am not fashion forward unless you consider chicken nuggets a fashion accessory. I resort to dressing vicariously through my daughters. For now I'll let them rock the rompers and just stalk my favorite fashion blog.
I visit Maegan for fashion inspiration. She has repeatedly ignored my request for her to photoshop cellulite on her thighs. However, her blog is so fun and witty that I'm willing to endure her perfection. If you have never been you must check out her tutorials and her gratuitous outfit posts. I am yet to make it through a single one without being inspired to get dressed for the day. She pulls off the romper and gives lessons on how to turn old shirts into trendy necklaces and more.

FEET!!

TOE PAINT: Tear Free baby wash mixed with cornstarch and food coloring!!!

Check out http://www.iheartfaces.blogspot.com/ !!

You're not that important!

This is my NEW life motto. Until now I have embraced save the world one vote, one moment and one piece of trash at the time. You're special.

Well it's a good thing I'm so flipping special. If I wasn't so special how would I manage to reverse global warming, reform government and make it home in time to serve my daughter food in non-cancer leaching plastic dishes and wash them with earth friendly dish detergent? Save the planet and while you're at it don't forget that your child has three crucial first years for brain development. Stop snuggling and start working on those synapses!!

I can't even bear the guilt of my daughter's busted lip resulting from some reckless bed jumping let alone the fate of the world. I feel more relaxed already knowing that my children's waffle breakfast is NOT paving the way for a lifetime of obesity. That's a huge step. I hope this works because otherwise I might need to turn to prescription drugs to manage all this anxiety. On second thought, I read that prescription drugs are being excreted in our urine and contaminating the water. Oh well, so much for that idea.

Bedazzling the Feminist

My first daughter was in my womb dreaming of feather boas and purple play shoes while I was buying action figures and trucks. When she danced in my womb it was to the rhythm of Sharon Olds' poetry. I read to her from The Book of the City of Ladies by Christine de Pizan not Cinderella. By the time she was full term my uterus was so full with stories of powerful women that there was hardly any room left for amniotic fluid.

My daughter was born genetically predisposed to Barbie and everything that sparkles. All her gender neutral toys were tossed to make room for a pink play kitchen and shopping cart.

I planned to shape her into a jean loving mini feminist.

She is bedazzling my inner feminist instead. I am learning that a girl can win a mud fight in a multi tiered dress and have mud to spare for pretend chocolate muffins. She is wild, fierce and girly. Her femininity knows no boundaries. I watch in adoration as she defines herself from scratch.

Now all I need to do is relax and try not to mess it up.

Beyond Sticker Charts

(just click on the image to see it large and in all it's wonder)

Two things I vowed never to be:
1. A counting mom

2. A sticker chart mom

I have no idea why but they epitomized "mother" to me. So grown up and serious. YIKES!

I broke my counting rule before my first daughter was out of the womb. "You're Daddy is on leave so you have until the count of three to exit my womb young lady". It didn't work then and it doesn't work now but I'm a counter. I can admit it. After five years I finally started shopping for gold starts but I couldn't crumble. Not yet. Instead we have the "Prize Petal" game.

Object of the game:

Player must help their flower blowing in the breeze return to the empty stem.

Rules:

Player moves down every time a rule is followed and a chore is completed. If a rule is broken the player must move back one space.

If the flower makes it to the stem by sunset the player wins a prize. If not the player is blown back to the beginning.

YOU WILL NEED:

Cork board

Paint
Push Pins

Silk Flowers

Scrapbook Paper

Glue

The Game Board:

The game board is just painted cork board. I can't paint so I taped off the horizon and sponge painted above and below. I cut the flowers/ ladybug from scrapbook paper. I sealed them with mod podge.

!! Don't use scrapbook paper near the places you will want to place your push pins !!

The Game Pieces:

I used tall plastic push pins and simply hot glued flowers and butterflies onto the tops.

Optional Reward Books and Planner:

You can make your own schedule and reward cards by whole punching index cards and holding them together with a metal ring or ribbon. Post rules, rewards or daily activities and hang them on the board.

(I place our board just out of reach since the push pins are so tempting. We move them together.)

Variations:

You can easily adapt to any theme for any age child. Families with multiple children could "race" each other to the finish. You do not have to use flowers or a garden theme. There are endless possibilities. "Buggy Behave" would be cute and you could substitute plastic spiders push pins for the silk flowers.

**If this post inspires you to make your own chore chart game I would love to see it and share it on my blog. Just let me know!! I might have a special prize for my favorite. You just never know.

Lots of love from a "nearly" sticker chart momma!!

Two other places for design inspiration if your feeling crafty...

http://expressivelyme.blogspot.com/

http://brixtonlife.blogspot.com/

When life throws you mud...

make mudpies!!

My Two Cents on Ascitis

TWO CENTS TUESDAY!!! Time for me to share an opinion about all the things everyone had the good sense NOT to ask you about....

While everyone was worried about swine flu and cancer leaching plastics Ascitis has hit pandemic proportions. You can't catch up on politics or entertainment without another Ascitis victim making the headlines. There are men across the globe suffering from very severe and possibly fatal strains of the disease.

Is there a cure?
There is no known cure for Ascitis. However, a good divorce lawyer may cover alternative treatments.

Can it be prevented?
I hate to break it to you but frequent hand washing can't protect you from this disease. It appears to be contagious but not airborne. It is still very mysterious.

What causes Ascitis?
One controversial theory is snappy wives and marriage induced abstinence lowers immunity. Some people advocate "love injections" and "obedience". They offer up Jon and Kate as proof that quarrelsome wives spread the disease. I'm not buying it. Defiant women have already been tagged as the root of original sin. I won't be shouldering the blame for Jon Gosselin's adultery too.

If Jon had been better in the sack (Kate's sack) in the first place then maybe Kate wouldn't have been so snarky ? Does she look like a woman that has had a good night of umm "sleep"? If your hubby was out curling another woman's toes wouldn't you be a little snippy. It's that age old question, "Which came first? The adulterous husband or the cranky wife?". One may never know. Fifty bucks says Jon goes back to college to "further his mind". Poor Jon had to take a break from the media because Governor Sanford was stealing all his sleazy thunder.

I'm just glad the Ascitis sufferers are hogging up less news space. North Korea had to threaten "a hail storm of nuclear fire" just to get a headline. Sarah Palin had to resign to elbow her way into the headlines.

So every politician, entertainer, athlete and guy next door please just pick up some chewable Vitamin C, drink plenty of fluids and get some rest. The last thing the world needs right now is an Ascitis pandemic.

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