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Wednesday, July 29, 2009

A Little Lost

I'm feeling overwhelmed and a little lost. Princess starts school and will be leaving me. The longest we have ever spent apart is at birth when she she was taken to NICU. I have been neurotically stingy with her ever since they took her off the monitors and put her back in my arms.
She kept me company through two deployments. Through the first she literally kicked me forward from the inside out, urging me on from the womb. The second time she helped me navigate a foreign country all alone. Together we tasted German sweets and explored Roman ruins. Her baby babble was universal and defied all language barriers.
I am going to be lost without her. I will even miss the sibling squabbles and feisty girly squeals. She will be gone for a moment. It is still enough to make my breath catch and a half day without her is unimaginable. It makes me think of the families who are forced to move forward without their children for a lifetime. I wish I knew what to say to ease that kind of loss. I know there are no words. The only thing I can do is love my own daughters even more fiercely and suck up the moments we have. Please forgive me if I am around a little less and crazy more often. I am neurotic since the birth of my children and I think it will get worse before it gets better.
I apologize frequently to my daughter...
"Sorry you can't go to Susie's. I don't know her parents and Mommy is a bit of Whack Job about that kind of stuff".
She assures me,
"No stress. No worries. God made you that way".
She's wise beyond her years.
Baby Sister is trying to pick something out for Big Sister that is truley one of a kind. A good luck boogie perhaps? I think this might be our Christmas card! Any caption suggestions??
Head over to 7 Clown Circus for more Wordful fun!!!


Mary-Catherine said...

Stopping by from SITS...I'm also from Oahu. I'm a Navy wife. I love your tutus...so beautiful!

I can't imagine what you're going through with your daughter starting school soon! I have my own daughter, Isabella who is two. I dread the day she starts school. I refuse to put her in Pre-school... I just don't think I could handle that quite yet.

You're right though, your children definitely help you survive the deployments...I don't know what I would have done without my Bella during this one! My hubby gets home in August! Ok...sorry for the crazy long comment :) Have a wonderful day!

The Rambler said...

Oh Tutu...I'm sure I'll be in the same boat as you soon. Everyone keeps saying.."put her in preschool" and part of me isn't ready to give up that time I have with her.


You do what you need...us bloggy people are always here. :)

mommakin said...

Oh, but when she returns to you at the end of her school day she will have such stories to tell you! There can be no joyful reunion without separation!

(That being said, I totally get it. But chin up, Momma, you'll be fine...)

♥Jacqueline said...

I know how you feel with the selfishness of lost time and the NICU. I was there myself, once. I have 3 and half years to go to be in your shoes, and I'm not sure if that's something I could handle. Good Luck, we'll be here for ya if ya need us! ;o)

Dreamgirl said...

What a lovely picture... Adorable girls! And the boogie - priceless!

My princess is starting school too... It's strange and a bit sad. But she is excited so I try to be too.

Just stopping by from SITS wishing you a very Happy Wednesday!

P.S. I'm giving away a subscription to House Beautiful on my blog www.sweeterliving.blogspot.com

Tracey said...

My sister is going through this with her youngest starting school in just a few days. Talk to her about it got me thinking of when my daughter (who is only 2) will be heading off to her first day. My husband can't even understand the bond that my daughter and I share. For the first part of her life it was just me and her until DH and I got married. Going through the pregnancy (her bio dad left when I was 5 weeks pregnant) and her first 18 months completely just me and her forged a bond between us to where I can't stand spending a minute apart from her. I will be a crazy beautiful mess when she leaves for her first day of Kindergarten. Stay strong, momma! You will get through this. It'll just take alot of tissues and precious one on one moments with your youngest!

Sarah said...

I'm not sure what advice you are planning on giving her when she starts but I am guessing it will be something along the lines of "Be brave." It's a stage that you both get to grow through. Embrace it and be brave.

Design It Chic said...

Awww this is to sweet! Definitely make this picture the Christmas card! It will work wonders:)

Happy Wednesday!

visiting from SITS!

Krystyn @ Really, Are You Serious? said...

Awwwww....she'll have fun, and although it will be tough, you will surely enjoy the break!

Muthering Heights said...

Awww, that sounds hard!

Corey~living and loving said...

hugs! I think we all become a bit of a whack job when we have kids. sigh...

I have a post this week, that might now help your fears, but I'd like to share it with you. I will be doing a series of posts that I believe all folks should read.

have a good...and worrisome day. :)

Brenda said...

Thats hard when they start school. . . but she seems like a sweetie!

Tania @ Larger Family Life said...

Aww, I hope it all goes well for you both.

Tania (visiting from SITS)

Stephanie said...

Hello there! I so understand where you are coming from. My "babies" are 7 and 10 now and I was the Mom wearing dark sunglasses on their first day of school so all the other cheering Mommies wouldn't see my tears as I dropped my sweet girl off.

You will survive! It does get easier, and they have the most amazing hugs to give ans stories to tell when you pick them up!

Lani said...

I so dread the day my kids go off to school. I know I will cry so hard that day!
There has to be a big silver lining to it- she'll have fun and make new friends and learn a lot of new things:)
That said, I have turned all neurotic too since becoming a mom! I don't know what happened to me!

Kim Lehnhoff said...

Your daughter will be fine at school. She'll come home with crayon drawings and stories about how Sienna still sucks her thumb, and Kayden is always in trouble in class. And she'll whisper and giggle with the other girls.

And then she'll come home and tell you all about it - EVERY DAY, while you get her a snack and hug her, so happy that she's home again.

That's the way it's supposed to be - we have to let them go into the world, baby steps first.

And you will get to spend some precious time with your younger daughter - for the first time in her life, she will be your only child at home. Think of the lovely things you two can do!