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Sunday, November 1, 2009

A little help here..

It's time for Two Cents Tuesday. This is the day you can dish out all that great advice no one has the good sense to ask you for. Bring it on! Need some advice? Ask and you shall receive.
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Princess has started school and each day she is increasingly afraid. She has always been an old soul but school has pushed her from calm to withdrawn. Princess rarely gets in trouble but is so worried about making her teacher angry that she comes home in tears. At the conference her teacher showed a general interest and concern. I was optimistic. We talked about ways to ease her anxiety in school. Then she insinuated Princess might need medical help to manage her anxiety. She is five. She shouldn't have anxiety. It is kindergarten not a war zone. Why is my five year old experiencing post traumatic stress syndrome? The more I think about it the more concerned I am. Is this normal? Now that kindergarten is increasingly intense are kids crumbling under pressure before their first tooth fairy visit? Princess isn't the only one. Another little girl in her class was so stressed that she was throwing up in the bushes before school. What happened to singing songs, flicking boogers and eating paste? What would you I do?


9 comments:

DysFUNctional Mom said...

I was a very anxious kindergartener too. I would recommend talking to someone but not medicating her at this age, I don't know if that's what the teacher was referring to. But her pediatrician may have some techniques that would really help her, and sometimes they're amazingly simple like a stress ball or bringing some little token from home.

Amy said...

I would talk with her and see what makes her upset. She may be scared that she has to do certain things in the classroom and my want them to be perfect. She sounds like anyone we do not want to do anything wrong and we want everyone to like us. Is there a special friend in her class she can hang out with during play time? This may help her. I would also tell her if she is feeling scared to take a deep breath and then try to do the task. I do not think she needs medical help. She is only five and this is something that is totally new and different for her. I mean don't we all get like this when we try something new? I hope things get better. Maybe some books at the library could help. Or go on line and find books that may help and then you can see if the library has them. Have a great day..

Elise said...

yes, definately talk to her...

TuTu's Bliss said...

Thank you. She does love everything to be just so. She is thriving in ballet. She is performing well on tests and if I hadn't expressed my concerns the teacher would have never noticed.

She does do well with books. And talking to her she has again and again expressed fear of her teacher.

Snarky Belle said...

This truly breaks my heart. I taught fifth and third grade, then 4 year old preschool. Anytime I hear of children being fearful of school, it makes me so sad. If she is expressing fear of her teacher, I would suggest addressing this immediately. I don't want to jump to conclusions, and I who am I to give advice anyway? But, there are teachers who intimidate children without even knowing it. Her teacher needs to be made VERY aware that something she's doing is frightening your Princess.

What does the teacher do that causes the fear? Has Princess told you? Is it the way the teacher disciplines other students? Is it her mannerisms? This may sound silly, but you could ask Princess to fill in the blanks of sentences: "When my teacher_____, I feel_____." Or "I feel_____ when my teacher ______."

My oldest child is an "old soul", the younger two...not at all! The oldest definitely had the most trouble adjusting to school. It went far beyond the normal situational anxiety that most kindergarteners experience. He is also very meticulous and consciencious. He was sensitive to and aware of everything happening in the classroom. It often overwhelmed him, and made him nervous. Maybe some of that is happening with your daughter?

The fact that you mention the teacher would have never noticed had you not expressed concern is something to address. Especially when you add her recommending medical help to not really noticing what's going on with Princess.

There are probably some of your readers who have also taught or currently teach school. And I'm sure they are much smarter than I am. I don't have the best answers, but I would not let this go. Don't worry about being viewed as an over-reactionary mother, or have too many concerns about what the teacher thinks of you. You are the only advocate your child has. If she is doing the job for the right reasons, and truly has your daughter's best interests at heart, she will be more than willing to talk with you and work this out. Maybe your daughter just needs a little extra reassurance from her teacher, letting her know she's doing a good job, etc. Hopefully, the teacher just doesn't realize she's causing your daughter fear..and once she is made aware, she'll do all she can to make Princess comfortable and secure.

When I taught I really tried to remember that the children in my classes often spent more time with me than their parents. No child should be expected to spend so many hours of their day fearful.
I'll be thinking of your sweet Princess. And thinking of you as well! I know it's not easy when we are worried about our children. I'm sorry you're having to deal with this.

michelle said...

Does her teacher yell a lot? Is she disapproving, or encouraging. Is she the hugging type? I think kindergarten teachers need to be really mommy-like.

And why are they having tests in kindergarten?

Corey~living and loving said...

are you 100% sure the teacher isn't rightfully scary? I mean...maybe she has a very valid reason for being nervous.

I'd continue to keep the line of communication open with your little one, and possible talk to a counselor about it. They will have some great advice in how to talk to your daughter about her fears.

hugs to you, Mom. it has to be very stressful for you as well.

Krystyn said...

Oh, no. I don't have any good advice...but I hope you are able to figure something out that helps her.

Mrs4444 said...

Um....home school her til next year and see if it's better?