My Forward Policy

Forward Guidelines:

1. Forwards must be personal and sent because they reminded you of me and NOT me and the 1,000 other people in your address book that got crammed together.

2. You MUST fact check. Please don't send me emails intended to strike fear in the hearts of all that are not even true.

3. Do not send me anything that threatens death or bad luck for myself or the ones I love. True friends don't hex each other. If you feel compelled to send these things reserve them for enemies or just delete that part of the forward. Stop the madness!

4. Don't tell me to forward "if I believe in God" or insinuate that my faith is determined in anyway by my willingness to mass forward.

5. Don't send me any emails targeting a group of people. I will not send ANYTHING that has an undercurrent of grab your pitchfork and light the fire.

Bonus: If you MUST forward me something then a little personal note is fabulous...such as, "Hey Jen! I know you dig Wolverine. Doesn't Hugh Jackman look fabulous half naked?" Just a little something to show you really know me.

You have three chances to get it right. After that you get kicked to my S P A M box and must resort to good old fashion letters or a telephone to reach me.

Visit We Are That Family for Works for Me tips and advice.

The Funk

I have the funk. Swine flu? Strep? Depression? No. It is just "The Funk". Funk is highly contagious. Funk can be debilitating and physically draining. After two weeks of vacation time I SHOULD be funk free.

Hubby swears he can cure the funk in fifteen minutes or less. THAT does not cure the funk. Laundry and dishes aggravate the funk. I doubt he was offering to clean the house in fifteen minutes or less. A clean house will not even cure the funk. Neither will waking up with my body in all it's former glory. My butt should still travel while I'm asleep from my ankles back to it's perky home of origin. Isn't it bad enough that I am a chronic funk sufferer. Shouldn't I, at the very least, be a chronic funk sufferer with a perky butt?

I am going to start blog hopping to cure the funk. There is nothing like being post slapped to knock me out of the funk. I already got blog smacked by one amazing bloggy friend before I even finished whining about my funk.

Leave it to the witty and wise Rambler to write a tender post that smacks me into the reality that there are more important things than the jiggle in my wiggle and the dirty laundry in my basket. Pop over, visit a while and don't miss her A Thousand Words Thursday-Beyond Words post. Sending love, hugs and prayers to all the parents that are fighting for and with their children.

I wasn't eaten by sharks

I just soaked up family time, sunshine and fatty foods. My family visits only once a year so we tried to make the most of our time together. The bad news is I did not even swim with the sharks, let alone get eaten. My amazing and adventurous plans were replaced with beach walks, naps, early nights and long breakfasts made by my mother. By the time we all got caught up the vacation was over and there was no room in our life for sharks. Now I am back and operating at a full 12%. The babies are sick and I'm doing my own laundry and cooking my own breakfast. Sniff. Sniff. I miss my mommy!!! I spent so many years wanting to grow up. Now I know that sometimes being a "big girl" isn't all it's cracked up to be. Hubby is humoring me and being extra sweet. He even cooked me "take out" and gave me a piggy back ride to help with the transition back into my grown up life. I've missed you! Hugs, Jen

Here is a vacation highlight from our Easter "Mermaid Egg" hunt. My fearful mom picked up the urchin to show my princess there was nothing to be afraid of. What won't a grandma do for her princess?

Dear Bloggy Friends,

I'm taking a little vacation and soaking up as much "ME ME ME" time as I can fit into one week. I will be back massaged, pampered, relaxed and inspired unless I get eaten by sharks. If you don't hear from me in a week or so check your news for, "MOTHER OF TWO DROWNS IN SHARK CAGE". It's the snorkel that will be my demise, not the rows of razor sharp teeth.

If you 're looking for fun new bloggy friends while I am away you should visit some of my very favorite bloggy buddies:

theArthurClan (Photo Tips)

Krystyn (Blog Design)

Kathy (Sweet Inspiration)

Midlife, menopause, mistakes and random stuff... (Comment Love)

TATTOOED MINIVAN MOM (funny stories & naughty words. See post below for more details! ;) )
Mama Kat's (Post Inspiration)
Idabel (Random laughs, a touch of naughty & a splash of serious)

I have met some amazing women here in blogland. I could devote hundreds of posts bragging about their generosity. These ladies are loose with the smiles and give away kind words for free. They have never let me down. They are just a handful of the wonderful ladies that have shown me that kindness and help is only a comment section away.

HUGS, Jen

MY BIG GIRL FIX

Yesterday's post was REALLY steamy for my blog. I rarely break out my big girl words and five years with princess diva has conditioned me to say "hoo ha" or "business" instead of vagina. If a post is titled Jello Jigglers it is safe to assume you're going a find a recipe for food here and not romance. Implied "Snuggle Time" is usually as racy as it gets and if I am feeling really feisty I say flippin'. But sometimes a mom needs a big girl fix. So where do you turn? Cosmo depresses me but so does "Good Housekeeping". I'd rather blog on over to

TATTOOED MINIVAN MOM for an instalment of COSMOM. She supplies my big girl fix. She never ever disappoints and after reading one post I felt like her instant friend for life. She has the kind of raw unapologetic honesty and female bonding going on over there that usually takes several shots of vodka and shared embarrassment to cultivate. Right now her comment box is full of some serious and hysterical big girl talk. The kind that would make me blush just to type here so you'll just have to blog over and find out for yourself.

Head over to TATTOOED MINIVAN MOM for your dose of funny.

And if you still find yourself laugh deficient then Thoughts from the Toilet Bowl has a wild little bit called "Show Me the Funny."

Steamy Caesarean Romance

My husband showers me while the baby sleeps. He kneels down and begins washing me from the calves up. My entire body is tender from contractions, emergency surgery and Mastitis. His hands slide to my breast and he kneads my infected milk ducts. Then he rinses me off and kneels down to towel away the water collecting around the incision. My skin still puckers, gaps open beneath the staples and gives an occasional glimpse of my fleshy core. He runs his tongue right under my staples, hip to hip. My milk lets down, a thin creamy spray. The milk I've pumped for until my nipples cracked and caved into themselves rushing down the drain. He reaches for a mouth wash cup to catch it, refusing to let something so precious slip away.

On the site www.newparent.com the question was raised in the comment section directed to women who breastfeed all the time, "How does your husband feel? Honestly."

Honestly? Well…… hubby and I don't have a traditional romance. Our bed is scattered with legos not rose petals but there isn't enough breast milk in the world to dampened our love life. I would tell you my husband's EXACT words but he is very blunt and more than a little scandalous and this isn't that kind of blog. He can still make me feel sexy despite my Go Go Gadget breasts and my Frankenstein scar. There is a level of intimacy and sensuality between us that has absolutely nothing to do with my milk production.

If you would like to see the article that prompted the question and read all the comments just CLICK HERE

Two Cents Please! Infidelity

It's time to share some two cents. Go ahead and give away some FREE two cents or ask for some and link up. For a complete list of details and Two Cents FAQ just Click Here

Is there some fine print in marriage that I have missed? I checked our marriage license to make sure I wasn't missing a catch in the marriage lifetime warranty similar to the factory warranty on our Honda....
(Covered for life OR 36,000 miles OR twelve stretch marks OR 20+ pounds OR ten wrinkles... whichever comes first)

There are several strong, wonderful and beautiful women in my life that have been reduced to rubble by infidelity. I have watched every single one of them no matter how intelligent they are go through a "fix it" phase. This is where they shoulder the burden and blame for their spouse's affair and begin hoop jumping for their husband. They try to will themselves happily married. I am there for them. If they ask I will even hold the hoop. I will take them shopping for "husband keeping" lingerie or plan a romantic evening. However, it's frustrating to see someone you adore spend time and energy on someone who doesn't deserve it. It is hard to cheer them on when I just want to take their husband deep sea fishing and use him as bait. Sometimes I wonder if I am even being a good friend by "listening" and being supportive. These are women who I respect with all my heart. What can I do? I feel like I am letting them down. I know there is nothing I can do to make the pain go away. I know it isn't mine to fix but I want to help. I try to be there. I offer arsenic once and let them know that a shovel is only a phone call away. After that I just try to hold that hoop steady as long as they need me to. My arms are getting tired.

I understand that relationships are very private and personal so please feel free to share your experience in the privacy of the comment box if you feel more comfortable there. I will leave the post open for anonymous comments for today. What do you wish a friend had done for you? Could anyone have done anything to make a horrible situation easier? Is just being there enough?

Two Cents will now be the FIRST Tuesday of every month. Next month's topic is friendship but you can give your two cents on any topic you please as long as it's free!

If you are new here please know that I am always at least half serious. If any husbands have gone missing in your area please don't call America's Most Wanted and report me.... yet. None of my friends have ever taken me up on a deep sea fishing trip and their unfaithful men have better sense than to eat anything I cook.

PLEASE SAVE ME IN SIX WORDS

Balloon, glitter and cake batter overload!!

Inspired by Cate over at Show My Face!

She Got the Role for Twilight!

Guess who will be playing the youngest vampire in the history of Twilight!? Move over Dakota there is a new Vamp in town!

April Fools!You can play along too over at I ♥ faces !

How did I create my little Twilight star?
I used Photoshop Elements. I cut and pasted her fangs from a vampire photo and changed her hair by changing the tone and color saturation. Her creamy pale complexion is courtesy of an overcast rainy day. Now I'm off to vamp hubby into Edward. Rest assured our princess will NOT be vamping up the Twilight set at the tender age of four. The photo is enough to creep me out.