Private Detectives, Zubbles and Mothering

1. Would it be too wierd if I sit outside my daughter's school with binoculars and a telephoto lens?
How about ordering a background track on her teacher and having the woman tailed throughout the school year?
I haven't hired anyone yet or anything just mulling it over. Thoughts? Reprimands? Reference for a great private investigator?

2. Since when did being a mother stop being enough? The other day a fellow mom asked what I did. When I told her I stayed at home raising my daughters she said, "Oh, you're unemployed". What do you say to that? It doesn't matter. I might have to get a job that pays more and has less demanding hours so I can afford that private detective and devote more time stalking my own children anyways.

3. Toy inventor Tim Kehoe
has burst my Zubble. I ordered my Zubbles before the The Zubble People
realized, "OH CRAP! People are willing to pay over seven bucks a bottle for colored bubbles! We better make more". Now they are back ordered. No worries Mr. Zubble a child's patience is limitless. She completely understands.

*In the Zubble Master's defense I must say he did devote fourteen years of his life to a vibrant bubble that doesn't stain. Shouldn't that be enough?

4. So. It looks like I am still waiting for a male scientist to invent something so speculator it redeems the entire male population for the invention of the speculum. Why is that little medieval torture device still around. Anything with a crank has no business being near my "business".

That sums up my random Friday Fragments for today. So just gather your crumbs of wisdom, toss them together and click below to join in.....


And introducing another host of random Friday fun...

A Little Lost

I'm feeling overwhelmed and a little lost. Princess starts school and will be leaving me. The longest we have ever spent apart is at birth when she she was taken to NICU. I have been neurotically stingy with her ever since they took her off the monitors and put her back in my arms.

She kept me company through two deployments. Through the first she literally kicked me forward from the inside out, urging me on from the womb. The second time she helped me navigate a foreign country all alone. Together we tasted German sweets and explored Roman ruins. Her baby babble was universal and defied all language barriers.

I am going to be lost without her. I will even miss the sibling squabbles and feisty girly squeals. She will be gone for a moment. It is still enough to make my breath catch and a half day without her is unimaginable. It makes me think of the families who are forced to move forward without their children for a lifetime. I wish I knew what to say to ease that kind of loss. I know there are no words. The only thing I can do is love my own daughters even more fiercely and suck up the moments we have. Please forgive me if I am around a little less and crazy more often. I am neurotic since the birth of my children and I think it will get worse before it gets better.

I apologize frequently to my daughter...

"Sorry you can't go to Susie's. I don't know her parents and Mommy is a bit of Whack Job about that kind of stuff".

She assures me,

"No stress. No worries. God made you that way".

She's wise beyond her years.

Baby Sister is trying to pick something out for Big Sister that is truley one of a kind. A good luck boogie perhaps? I think this might be our Christmas card! Any caption suggestions??

Head over to 7 Clown Circus for more Wordful fun!!!

The Adult Onesie?

Who can pull off a romper? Is it for the masses or reserved for cute toddlers, hot blondes and Kim Kardashian? I would like to think I could slip one on but I'm afraid hubby would just laugh and try to spoon feed me some baby food.

Post your own question and join in on Aloha Friday, hosted by An Island Life!

I am not fashion forward unless you consider chicken nuggets a fashion accessory. I resort to dressing vicariously through my daughters. For now I'll let them rock the rompers and just stalk my favorite fashion blog.
I visit Maegan for fashion inspiration. She has repeatedly ignored my request for her to photoshop cellulite on her thighs. However, her blog is so fun and witty that I'm willing to endure her perfection. If you have never been you must check out her tutorials and her gratuitous outfit posts. I am yet to make it through a single one without being inspired to get dressed for the day. She pulls off the romper and gives lessons on how to turn old shirts into trendy necklaces and more.

FEET!!

TOE PAINT: Tear Free baby wash mixed with cornstarch and food coloring!!!

Check out http://www.iheartfaces.blogspot.com/ !!

You're not that important!

This is my NEW life motto. Until now I have embraced save the world one vote, one moment and one piece of trash at the time. You're special.

Well it's a good thing I'm so flipping special. If I wasn't so special how would I manage to reverse global warming, reform government and make it home in time to serve my daughter food in non-cancer leaching plastic dishes and wash them with earth friendly dish detergent? Save the planet and while you're at it don't forget that your child has three crucial first years for brain development. Stop snuggling and start working on those synapses!!

I can't even bear the guilt of my daughter's busted lip resulting from some reckless bed jumping let alone the fate of the world. I feel more relaxed already knowing that my children's waffle breakfast is NOT paving the way for a lifetime of obesity. That's a huge step. I hope this works because otherwise I might need to turn to prescription drugs to manage all this anxiety. On second thought, I read that prescription drugs are being excreted in our urine and contaminating the water. Oh well, so much for that idea.

Bedazzling the Feminist

My first daughter was in my womb dreaming of feather boas and purple play shoes while I was buying action figures and trucks. When she danced in my womb it was to the rhythm of Sharon Olds' poetry. I read to her from The Book of the City of Ladies by Christine de Pizan not Cinderella. By the time she was full term my uterus was so full with stories of powerful women that there was hardly any room left for amniotic fluid.

My daughter was born genetically predisposed to Barbie and everything that sparkles. All her gender neutral toys were tossed to make room for a pink play kitchen and shopping cart.

I planned to shape her into a jean loving mini feminist.

She is bedazzling my inner feminist instead. I am learning that a girl can win a mud fight in a multi tiered dress and have mud to spare for pretend chocolate muffins. She is wild, fierce and girly. Her femininity knows no boundaries. I watch in adoration as she defines herself from scratch.

Now all I need to do is relax and try not to mess it up.

Beyond Sticker Charts

(just click on the image to see it large and in all it's wonder)

Two things I vowed never to be:
1. A counting mom

2. A sticker chart mom

I have no idea why but they epitomized "mother" to me. So grown up and serious. YIKES!

I broke my counting rule before my first daughter was out of the womb. "You're Daddy is on leave so you have until the count of three to exit my womb young lady". It didn't work then and it doesn't work now but I'm a counter. I can admit it. After five years I finally started shopping for gold starts but I couldn't crumble. Not yet. Instead we have the "Prize Petal" game.

Object of the game:

Player must help their flower blowing in the breeze return to the empty stem.

Rules:

Player moves down every time a rule is followed and a chore is completed. If a rule is broken the player must move back one space.

If the flower makes it to the stem by sunset the player wins a prize. If not the player is blown back to the beginning.

YOU WILL NEED:

Cork board

Paint
Push Pins

Silk Flowers

Scrapbook Paper

Glue

The Game Board:

The game board is just painted cork board. I can't paint so I taped off the horizon and sponge painted above and below. I cut the flowers/ ladybug from scrapbook paper. I sealed them with mod podge.

!! Don't use scrapbook paper near the places you will want to place your push pins !!

The Game Pieces:

I used tall plastic push pins and simply hot glued flowers and butterflies onto the tops.

Optional Reward Books and Planner:

You can make your own schedule and reward cards by whole punching index cards and holding them together with a metal ring or ribbon. Post rules, rewards or daily activities and hang them on the board.

(I place our board just out of reach since the push pins are so tempting. We move them together.)

Variations:

You can easily adapt to any theme for any age child. Families with multiple children could "race" each other to the finish. You do not have to use flowers or a garden theme. There are endless possibilities. "Buggy Behave" would be cute and you could substitute plastic spiders push pins for the silk flowers.

**If this post inspires you to make your own chore chart game I would love to see it and share it on my blog. Just let me know!! I might have a special prize for my favorite. You just never know.

Lots of love from a "nearly" sticker chart momma!!

Two other places for design inspiration if your feeling crafty...

http://expressivelyme.blogspot.com/

http://brixtonlife.blogspot.com/

When life throws you mud...

make mudpies!!

My Two Cents on Ascitis

TWO CENTS TUESDAY!!! Time for me to share an opinion about all the things everyone had the good sense NOT to ask you about....

While everyone was worried about swine flu and cancer leaching plastics Ascitis has hit pandemic proportions. You can't catch up on politics or entertainment without another Ascitis victim making the headlines. There are men across the globe suffering from very severe and possibly fatal strains of the disease.

Is there a cure?
There is no known cure for Ascitis. However, a good divorce lawyer may cover alternative treatments.

Can it be prevented?
I hate to break it to you but frequent hand washing can't protect you from this disease. It appears to be contagious but not airborne. It is still very mysterious.

What causes Ascitis?
One controversial theory is snappy wives and marriage induced abstinence lowers immunity. Some people advocate "love injections" and "obedience". They offer up Jon and Kate as proof that quarrelsome wives spread the disease. I'm not buying it. Defiant women have already been tagged as the root of original sin. I won't be shouldering the blame for Jon Gosselin's adultery too.

If Jon had been better in the sack (Kate's sack) in the first place then maybe Kate wouldn't have been so snarky ? Does she look like a woman that has had a good night of umm "sleep"? If your hubby was out curling another woman's toes wouldn't you be a little snippy. It's that age old question, "Which came first? The adulterous husband or the cranky wife?". One may never know. Fifty bucks says Jon goes back to college to "further his mind". Poor Jon had to take a break from the media because Governor Sanford was stealing all his sleazy thunder.

I'm just glad the Ascitis sufferers are hogging up less news space. North Korea had to threaten "a hail storm of nuclear fire" just to get a headline. Sarah Palin had to resign to elbow her way into the headlines.

So every politician, entertainer, athlete and guy next door please just pick up some chewable Vitamin C, drink plenty of fluids and get some rest. The last thing the world needs right now is an Ascitis pandemic.

If you want to join in and for a complete list of details and FAQ on Two Cents just Click Here

Please leave a link to your post in the comment section and I will enter it by hand if Mr. Linky is missing in action!!

Eat Cat!

Our princess has started spelling. We celebrated by having C A T for breakfast. C A T is best served with syrup and butter. Who's hungry?

Spell it out with your favorite pancake batter. Great for learning fun or even short messages. Nothing says L O V E like breakfast.

Hosted by Cecily and MamaGeek

I'm still spinning from my SITS feature day! WOWZA! You all dished out some serious comment loving. Thank you. I intend to visit each and every blog and reply no later than 2012!! (Hopefully MUCH sooner) Thank you so much for coming by. I'm still smiling!