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Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Your Two Cents


Please share your two cents and sign Mr. Linky. The Rules are flexible, loose and optional but if you don't believe me just Click Here for all the details .
Unsolicited advice is an acquired taste. If you are a first time mom you better acquire the taste fast because it is headed your way. Everyone from the sixteen year old Starbucks cashier to your hubby's Great Gram's pharmacist will offer up their two cents. Perfect strangers will even offer up their advice on the best exit strategy for your baby and if you aren't prepared you'll find yourself talking about your vagina on a park bench with a complete stranger rubbing your tummy.
So here is my two cents on handling two cents. The first step is realizing that when an elderly lady passing by reaches into your stroller and tucks the blanket around your baby and chides, "It is cold today for such a little one". She is not saying, "You horrible irresponsible mom. You are going to give your baby frostbite. I'm calling social services!" If you try to read between the lines every time someone gives you unsolicited advice you'll go crazy or wind up in prison. So remind yourself that she is simply saying, "Damn, it's cold today isn't it? I wish I could cozy up in there and you could push me around".
When Uncle Bill gives you his two cents on kids and the benefits of Mountain Dew and nods over at his three semi grown kids as living breathing proof you have three choices:
1. Offer a detailed explanation why you will not be filling up the bottle with sugary green goodness and launch into a fact filled debate on childhood obesity and diabetes.
2. Cave, pop the top and reach for the baby bottle. What do you know after all?
or my personal path of choice...
3. Smile and keep on doing what you're doing.
It took a long time for me to find my own way and become confident in my own choices. For me embracing unsolicited advice as a surprise gift makes it easier. I don't always agree with the things people throw my way but I don't have to. I try to look at advice not as criticism but as a random act of kindness. I adore free stuff. Why should advice be an exception?
As for giving out belly rubs to expecting moms..... personally I think people should approach most pregnant women with the same caution you approach an unfamiliar pit bill. You wouldn't prance over and give it a scratch under the chin. You would wait for an invitation like a face lick or tail wag. Women are even easier to decode, just ask. Where are the tummy rubbers? I know you're out there. :)


20 comments:

The Blonde Duck said...

That's really good advice. I've never been pregnant, but I'd probably wallop someone who wanted to rub my belly!

♥ Kathy said...

Is not a belly rubber (unless I know you REALLY well and you told me to feel the baby kick lol) and I wanted to smack people who rubbed mine :D And just to mess ya up Jen..Mt.Dew is made with orange juice! hehe

Midwest Mommy said...

I am the youngest of three girls my oldest sister has never realized that I in fact can handle motherhood. I get her "advice" and the "oh you just wait" way too much for my stomach to handle.

KC Mom said...

What a great idea! Thanks for sharing!
I know most people have the best intentions at heart, don't they?
Thanks for visiting my blog this morning. :)

blueviolet said...

Even if they asked, I wouldn't want them to rub my tummy. What's with that?

Donnetta said...

I'm TOTALLY a tummy rubber, but I always ask first. And I wouldn't even CONSIDER doing it to someone I don't know! Freak, anyone?!

ImakehairROCK4u2 said...

I have to ask...do Uncle Bill's kids have any teeth? lol

Amy said...

I really liked your two cents today. It made me think about why people say what they say. You can either take it in or not. I have learned that in away just to smile and nod. Having a child you do get so much two cents and sometimes that is the best thing to do. I do love to rub a great tummy but I always ask first. I do not want to get bitten.

ImakehairROCK4u2 said...

I am directionally challanged, so I have no clue if I'm doing this right or not...let me know, kthanx!

My 6 year old son has Sensory Processing Disorder, and we are working on his Asperger's diagnosis. He is prone to having "melt-downs" when he gets overstimulated (ie. family gatherings with 20 people and too much noise and chaos).

My 2 brothers and my brother-in-law always say to me, "Why don't you just beat his a$$?"

Seriously? I should beat my 6 year old for having a medical problem? Do they think that will 'cure' him? Next think I know, they will go around telling parents of kids with diabetes or cancer to just 'beat their a$$e$' and maybe it will be a miracle cure!

Or maybe I should beat their a$$e$ for being stupid!

Shelli @ www.imakehairrock4u2.com

Robyn Jones said...

My most un-favorite comments came from some 80 year old granny last summer as I was leaving one of our malls for the half a block walk to the car...

it was very sunny out, and she says to me..

"Its not fair...your baby should be wearing a hat and glasses...."

(hat was under his bum somewhere...and the glasses were discarded somewhere along the sidewalk...

My response was something along the lines of...

"sorry...ran out of crazy glue..." LOL!

As far as people touching my prego tummy without permission - Please just don't........

Sarah said...

I never understood the rubbing thing. Women who are excessively pregnant don't even LOOK that comfortable. Why in heavens name would you want to add to that awkwardness? It's beyond me. Thank goodness only one person every treated me like a lucky troll and he was a friend who asked first. Still weird. Back off people! You can touch the baby when it's out!

Mary Teresa said...

I feel as though I will be doing a lot of "nod, grin, ignore-ing" once baby starts to show. Sigh. Helpful people are sometimes soooo...not helpful. =D

mommaof4wife2r said...

having a mulit racial fam gives people the same thoughts as being prego...what in the world!?

Midlife, menopause, mistakes and random stuff... said...

Ahhhh.the day's of unsolicited advise me dear friend Tutu/ I remember it well. It is hard sometimes to remember that most (and I stress MOST) people are well intentioned and truly caring.
But sometimes......don't you just want to give em a lil pop of the old kisser, lol??
Great post.......as always. I adore seeing your sweet girls at the top of your blog when I drop by for a little visit. Makes me smile every time :)

Steady On
Reggie Girl

Mrs.Naz@BecomingMe said...

Oh this Cracks me up. Love it!!! I had my belly rubbed for good luck in the DC metro and I was soooo creeped out. I also had a lady come up to me as I was writing in my pregnancy journal (also in the metro) and grill me. She didn't believe I was pregnant because I wasn't showing...it was all so very odd.

Upstatemomof3 said...

OH my goodness!! I so needed to hear that today! It is really great advice. Having just been pregnant I find myself holding back any and all advice or opinions that I want to give. I KNOW she doesn't want my opinion. So, I try to keep it to myself.

Melissa said...

I always go with #3... I just let them talk...it makes them feel good!!
The way I see it is that I will probably be that way with my kids when they are older with their own kids... :)

TuTu's Bliss said...

I love the great two cents and the stories. Looks like I am going to have a comment queen award or two to dish out and the week isn't even over yet. You all are the best!!

Shannon said...

I finally had some cents to contribure, although most people don't really care....

"FINE"al thoughts... said...

LOVED your two cents! What good advice..smile and nod and keep doing what you're doing. Wouldn't that solve so many conflicts? Thanks for visiting my blog. I really enjoy yours!--trish