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Tuesday, July 7, 2009

My Two Cents on Ascitis

TWO CENTS TUESDAY!!! Time for me to share an opinion about all the things everyone had the good sense NOT to ask you about....

While everyone was worried about swine flu and cancer leaching plastics Ascitis has hit pandemic proportions. You can't catch up on politics or entertainment without another Ascitis victim making the headlines. There are men across the globe suffering from very severe and possibly fatal strains of the disease.
Is there a cure?
There is no known cure for Ascitis. However, a good divorce lawyer may cover alternative treatments.

Can it be prevented?
I hate to break it to you but frequent hand washing can't protect you from this disease. It appears to be contagious but not airborne. It is still very mysterious.
What causes Ascitis?
One controversial theory is snappy wives and marriage induced abstinence lowers immunity. Some people advocate "love injections" and "obedience". They offer up Jon and Kate as proof that quarrelsome wives spread the disease. I'm not buying it. Defiant women have already been tagged as the root of original sin. I won't be shouldering the blame for Jon Gosselin's adultery too.

If Jon had been better in the sack (Kate's sack) in the first place then maybe Kate wouldn't have been so snarky ? Does she look like a woman that has had a good night of umm "sleep"? If your hubby was out curling another woman's toes wouldn't you be a little snippy. It's that age old question, "Which came first? The adulterous husband or the cranky wife?". One may never know. Fifty bucks says Jon goes back to college to "further his mind". Poor Jon had to take a break from the media because Governor Sanford was stealing all his sleazy thunder.

I'm just glad the Ascitis sufferers are hogging up less news space. North Korea had to threaten "a hail storm of nuclear fire" just to get a headline. Sarah Palin had to resign to elbow her way into the headlines.

So every politician, entertainer, athlete and guy next door please just pick up some chewable Vitamin C, drink plenty of fluids and get some rest. The last thing the world needs right now is an Ascitis pandemic.
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17 comments:

Amy said...

Great tips. I have not done this in awhile. I do not really care for Jon or know what to think. I hope you are doing great. How's that baby?? Miss you...

mommaof4wife2r said...

ur really something...and jon and kate...i'm so over it. not gonna lie.

Brittany Ann said...

Hahaha! I love this post!

Bee and Rose said...

Hilarious! (kate's sack...snorty snort!) We've had some ascitis around here lately...oy! (the stupid strain...)

The Blonde Duck said...

Cackle. That's really funny.

Thanks for all the love on SITS. :) You made me blush.

Krystyn said...

Love it....too many people with Ascitis around here these days.

JennyMac said...

HAHA! Very funny. Thanks for the laugh.

Dirty Mouth Mama said...

Ha. I had to read this outloud to my hubby.

Helene said...

OMG, your comments about Jon and Kate cracked me up! And I definitely needed a laugh today!

Did you see the video someone made on YouTube, pretending to be Jon on Match.com? It was hilarious...the first thing he says is "I'm looking for a woman with a symmetrical haircut".

Mrs4444 said...

I'd better get to bed, or my husband might come down with it!!

BrnEyedGal said...

THis was so great!!! At first I really thought you were talking about a disease...hahaha. Love it!!!

DysFUNctional Mom said...

APPLAUSE!! Love it.

J said...

So true! It's like every crazy celeb went nuts in the last few weeks just to get some attention! Stopping by from SITS!

Supercool Hotmama said...

So true!

Megan said...

A-men! Hahaha!

The Dapper Darling said...

this made me laugh out loud :)

Adalia said...

My children are all adults. My son, fourth and last child, graduated June 2009. You have a lively way of connecting with your visitors and you are enjoying motherhood and I like that. In a blink of an eye they will be all grown up and you'll probably say "What the bleep happened. what do you mean you're now eighteen." I enjoyed each and every day of my journey and I still do, even though they are all adults. Now it's time for the grand children.