WARNING
I will continue to celebrate motherhood. So if breasts, birth, dilation and mother's milk makes you uncomfortable please consider yourself warned.
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Friday, June 26, 2009

Linoleum Crocodiles and Magic Stains

Our kitchen has been taken over by a nest of angry crocodiles. I leap over them to get the chocolate milk, the pretzels and the strawberries. Sometimes I forget they're there. My five year old wrestles them to the ground and ties them to the handle of the fridge door with pink ribbon. She is very fierce. She is unafraid of them flipping and flopping on our linoleum floors. She saves me from their snapping jaws and toxic glitter breath. Linoleum crocodiles release poisonous glitter infused gases or so I've been told. In between crocodile wrangling she has trained her baby sister to fart on command. They are both so proud of their stinky little show and serve me "popcorn" scooped from the kitty dish during intermission.
What would my life have been like if I had chosen a child free path?
I imagine it would be full of long vacations, hardwood floors, expensive breakables and literary novels. All that money saved on diapers and college savings would translate into spa days and no roots. I would have a large spacious home filled to the brim with silk blouses, four inch heels and things that stain. There would be no room in my adult sanctuary left for crocodiles and guard dragons. What would have happened to all the purple mongooses of the world then?
My life is magic stained. I will probably spend this birthday mermaid hunting and cleaning up after the sneaky purple mongoose who likes to paint the fridge with pudding when no one is looking. I will fall asleep knowing that a pink dragon is keeping us safe and that the fire breathing horses that pull our Honda are sound asleep. I will be thankful that the "popcorn" comes from the kitty's dish instead of her litter box.

16 comments:

My Precious Peanut Designs said...

As always, thank for making me smile!

The Royal Family said...

cute, we don't allow reptiles in this house!

Amy said...

How cute. I love your writing style. You are so creative.

Funny in my mind said...

So, is today your birthday?? If so, have a happy one! And all the filth and poop and dirty floors and lack of sleep still sound better than a boring old clean house and good hair (I think...)

SugarandSpice said...

I do not want to imagine life without dragons or purple mongoose's, or glitter breathing crocodiles. A life without those things sounds less apealing than death at this point. I dread the days when those things will no longer exsist in our house. Hopefully the magic will always be alive. And if it's not... then I am going to act like a dork with my grandchildren and roll around on their linoleum floors.

I really enjoy reading your blog! I am glad I found it.

Mira is triplet crown said...

What great imaginations your girls have and how great of you to inspire them and encourage them in it. Thanks for visiting my blog!

Krystyn said...

Thank goodness for kiddos.

I'm sure you wouldn't have it any other way.

Oh, and happy birthday.

Apple said...

What a cute story. I love the imagination children have.

Orange Juice said...

awe that was really sweet! Totally put a smile on my face what a great writer you are.

bluecottonmemory said...

I would have a convertible mercedes if I didn't have children:) I would also have nothing to write about. What a great imaginative environment! Just stopping by from SITS and totally enjoying it!

Jayne @ Misplaced City Girl said...

Beautifully said. I taught my brother to belch on command by the time he was three, maybe earlier. (Visiting from SITS)

Liz said...

Congrat’s on you SITS day. I love your profile.Your blog is very inviting!

Tracie said...

I've always imagined that if I didn't have kids that I would still be super skinny, drive a really hot car and talk about the meaning of life. Instead, I'm pudgy around the middle, I drive a minivan and I talk about my kid's poop 24/7. Wouldn't change a thing :)

I love how you twisted the negative into something positive; because at the end of the day that is like 90% of parenting.

Aleta said...

I don't have any children (and sadly, not a lot of those fancy things you mentioned in saving the money)... but I'll borrow some of your magic by reading. I love to hear children talk and watch their imagination take flight!

Life, Love And Lola said...

I love this post!

Shelley said...

Ooooh, when my 16 year old daughter was 2 we had the fiercest alligators ever! I'd forgotten about that, thanks so for the memory jog.